I Found my Religion in a Pound of Grass

I think it's time for me to post something a bit more light hearted, since my last few posts haven't been all peaches and cream

Hands up those of you who have Facebook; all of you, good. I'm one of those people who loves to post complete bs on people's status updates, on their walls, on their pictures, anywhere. You name it, I've graffiti-ed it. I was always annoyed by the self-serving status updates and whatnot, so to lighten everyones day and take the piss out of these gratuitous self-servers, I add some colour to the proceedings.





For example, a friend of mine uploaded a photo on her profile, and me being me, I decided to jazz it up a little by tagging it. Here's the results:

Sorry about the out-of-whack alignment, but smaller sizes made the text almost unreadable

And yes, 'Kingmaker' is me. There was a period when I masqueraded around with made up middle names just cos. And I've changed it so much, Facebook won't let me change it anymore. Ha. And yes that is my actual face. moving on.

Anyway, I take pleasure in posting bs and random bits of humour where I can. I've also embellished my 'About Me' section. Here 'tis:

"Vi veri universum vivus vici."

Year of the Snake. Aries. Gen Y. Mad dog. Kingmaker. Alpha. Omega.

I can throw grains of rice with alarming accuracy. I once won a game of Monopoly without purchasing any properties or collecting $200 whenever I passed 'Go'. I don't need a watch to tell time, I tell my watch what time it is. I've thrown a rock at the sun. I've winked at the moon, and it's winked back. I can hotwire a car with only two napkins and a marble. I've thrown a boomerang so hard and fast it didn't come back til three days later. When I eat Oreo's, I never dunk them in milk. I can believe it's not butter; in fact, I've written numerous papers on the fact that is indeed not butter. Squirrels flee at the mere thought of me. I've won multiple egg and spoon races using forks and cabbages. I won the 2009 Dakar Rally using a go-cart - that had to be wound up once every 2 miles. Whenever Batman sees the Bat Signal, he has to call me and ask whether he's allowed outside. I frequently run with wolves, just because. I can boil water at 70 degrees or below. My alphabet has more than 26 letters, and I use a base-16 number system. Whenever Google has trouble finding something, they contact me for assistance. Every public library in Australia is filled entirely with books I have read and no longer wish to keep in my house. I've jumped in puddles, and caused mild tsunamis. I regularly blow bubbles in the middle of cyclones. Red Bull is distilled from my perspiration. Inspiration for all recent war-themed games and films are based on my toddler years. I don't catch colds; I hunt them down whenever I feel like having a slow day. The Da Vinci Code wasn't a real code, I just felt bored one day and left bullsh*t clues around the place for amusement. I have swum the entire English Channel and back again without getting wet. The Bermuda Triangle is a hole in the ocean floor I punched when there weren't any tuna in the immediate vicinity. I am my own sovereign nation; I also have diplomatic immunity wherever I go. I scare people who wear 'No fear' t-shirts. All Guinness World Records and record holders are by default in second place to me; my name is merely exempt from the records because it was too hard for officials to spell.

--End



So yeah. That's me, in a nutshell. Slightly exaggerated, but mostly factual.

Again, this post doesn't have any real purpose other than for me to stop whingeing about stuff and once again reveal my lighter side. Hope you enjoyed it one way or another.


Edith
The Hot Melts
The Hot Melts, 2009