What makes a man?
When does a boy become a man?
What is a man? Is there a universal definition or set of prerequisites which a guy has to meet before he is considered a 'man'?
I've wondered about this for a while now. I mean I'm 22 years old. Now that I'm out of my teenage years, am I officially considered a 'man'? Surely age can't be an indicator of when a boy becomes a man. I know a ton (and see a ton) of older aged guys I certainly wouldn't consider men. They just seem wildly immature, have a seeming lack of authority and are just - unmanly. And I also know a handful of guys that are my age and even younger that are a lot more mature and deserving of the title of 'man'. I don't think there really is a universal set of standards for a boy to become a man, so I'll try to describe what I think makes a boy a man.
Being a man doesn't mean you go out shirtless into the woods and fight bears with your bare hands. It doesn't mean you walk around with an akubra sporting a full lumberjack-beard. It doesn't mean you can spit tobacco with pinpoint accuracy. Being a man to me means being responsible and mature. It means walking around with respect for other people and being respected by them in turn. It means you are able to (seemingly automatically) assert a sense of quiet authority and leadership (again, earned and deserved I hope). I think being a man means sticking to your word and being able to keep it. I think it means being honest and honourable, two things that mean a lot to me and which I try to uphold. I think being a man means being responsible, trustworthy and dependant. And yes I do think it also means being strong, in a way. But not just physically - and I don't actually think being physically strong defines a man. I mean mentally. I think you have to have a strong, refined inner mentality, because this is the foundation and cornerstone of so many things, having a strong, sharp, capable mind.
I guess I'm old fashioned in a sense that I also think a man should be able to (and I sure hope I'm not being sexist here) take care, look after and respect the girl he cares about, and do everything he can to protect her from whatever, and always be there for her. I think any guy who can't do any of these, especially the parts about respecting her, automatically is not capable of being considered a 'man'. In my eyes, anyway. What kind of a man would mistreat a woman? That's about as low as you can get, and something I sure as hell can't tolerate.
Now this isn't to say that the woman just takes a back seat and just sits there while the guy does everything. I'm not some chauvinist or anything (I hope). I just think that as a guy, we're supposed to kind of take the brunt of it, do the heavy lifting and things like that. I actively do the little things, like open the door for them and let them walk in first, carry the bags (rare, but it's happened, and I offer to) etc. I think the little things like this make you just that bit more of a man.
Again, these are just my points of view and that sure doesn't mean they're right or even accurate. Like I said, I'm kind of old fashioned in that I see the male as being the protector/whatever, the 'shield' if you will, for that one girl that means everything to him. But what do I know? I'm just one guy.
I'd be really interested to see what the ladies out there have to say, and I look forward especially to your comments and input about what you think constitutes a man and also what you have to say about what I've written. And also of course to the guys out there, what do you have to say? What do you think constitues a man? Am I on the right track with what I said, or should I buy a GPS?
Sigh No More
Mumford and Sons
Sigh No More, 2009
YOU'RE 100% RIGHT (at least in my opinion)
ReplyDeleteyou don't need a GPS just yet.
i especially liked the part about how a man should respect and protect a girl.
you're a great writer. and a man. yay :D
I think you are mostly correct. I do believe though, that good manners are a part of being a person and should be absolutely required no matter what the age is. The opening of the door and offering to carry the luggage is a thing of good manners.
ReplyDeleteThe leader type you described above is a bit inaccurate. Sure I can understand how they would be seen as more of a man than other men but that is in fact a personality type. And the truly charismatic alpha type leaders are quite rare and I think setting your mind on becoming them is a bad idea unless you have said personality traits.
The image of protector is best, in my opinion. Even with strong women, the man must be able to stand by them and have their back. Yet also be there for them in times of sorrow. This is highly subjective though, we can maybe agree on certain traits but I guess to me, a man would be mentally strong and able to care for and protect his family and loved ones.
I think you're pretty on point in your description.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, most guys that I like usually have those traits.
I'm a bit of an alpha female(?)and and I often find myself isolated amongst my peers because of it, but if I like and respect a guy then I usually back down and let him take the lead...
I don't know. I feel like I should explain my point in greater detail, but I hate leaving terribly long comments so maybe I'll do a blog post on it or something...
Although I'd prefer a guy to take the lead, I hate it when they get too protective. I'm not a feminist or anything, but it's really annoying when they get all clingy. There's a time and place for everything. I know this guy who's really charismatic and the alpha male type InnocentlyGreen mentioned, but he ditches his friends everyday just to hang out with his girlfriend. He's not a bad guy, but it would be really irritating if that happened to me.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Bookish.Spazz, this probably does require a blog post to talk about. :P
most of my guy friends consider themselves men the second they turn 18, but I think that's unfair. I mean, I think the main factor is maturity. Because once you can look at things in a mature way and stop doing things for shock value, then you are a man. or a woman, if you're a female haha
ReplyDeleteNot many guys would think of this in the way that you do. and for that, you are awesome.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you, but i don't at the same time.
A man should respect a woman, but i also think that the heavy lifting shouldn't be done by just the man. both of them should help lift the weight.
women can be stronger than men give them credit for, or they are just lazy.
once, i met a guy who opened a door for me a couple of times, and honestly, it was kind of strange. maybe chivalry is dead. or maybe doors should only be opened for your significant other.
I can open my own doors. I've been practicing a while.
I've never really thought of myself as a feminist, but thins kinda makes me sound like one.
Is it something about the water in Australia that makes dudes super awesome? Or is it just you? Whatever the case may be, I think we all agree that you're a man just for writing this post and realizing what a man truly is. Cause honestly … ? … I mean … If I was in Australia, you'd be the guy I'm after. No joke.
ReplyDeleteYou're sort of … utterly perfect, is what I'm trying to say. I don't know. I, and I know a lot of other girls, love the whole chivalrous stuff, like holding doors open and carrying bags. We love it cause it's so darn rare. This stuff never happens! So if a guy does that to a girl, it makes them feel super special. (You know. As long as it's not overdone)
You've got the right values going on in your head for what a man should be. Mature? YES. Most of the time, females mature much faster than males, and we're kind of just stuck their with a tall gangly guy blowing spitballs at anyone within a ten feet radius during class. So when someone strong and mature and responsible and dependant and all that awesome stuff you mentioned comes along, females think in their head, “Now THAT's a real man.”
You're a man. I can't believe you're still unsure, even after dissecting the definition. You're a man! It's obvious! A MAN. Have fun with your manly self.
;)
I've just come back from the hospital because I fainted reading Eeshie's comment... :P
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, cheers Eesh, that means a lot and it's nice to think that someone out there thinks that way, hah.
And thanks everyone for your input. And I totally agree that the guy shouldn't always take the lead in every situation. In fact, I actually feel that in most cases, I'd let the girl take the lead and I'd just follow essentially, and I'd be happy with that. And I also hope I wouldn't be too protective, I'd definitely let her stand up for herself when she could and let her fight her own battles, I wouldn't always get in the way at the drop of a hat.
I also wouldn't want to just step in and just 'assume leadership' in any group of people, I must have gotten that out wrong. I actually am not a huge fan of taking point, there's too much responsibility. I guess I meant more along the lines of certain guys are able to almost naturally exude an aura of leadership. They don't presume to rise up and grab it, everyone just kind of looks to them. While undeniably cool, it's not something I'm trying to achieve or strive for, but like I said, it would be kind of awesome...
Yay...!
ReplyDeleteThis was very "politically correct" and diplomatic. lol Good for you :P
ReplyDeleteYou are a lovely person, Ash. I always enjoy reading your posts, and this one is no exception.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many guys I know (like my brother, or my friends who were major frat boys), that I really don't consider to be men yet, regardless of their age. Some people (male and female - I'm definitely not a man-hater by any means), want to have it both ways. They want to behave like children, or teenagers, and yet still have adult responsibilities.
You are a truly lovely person, and the fact that you took the time to write this just exemplifies that all the more. This was so poignant and well written, and yet it still made me laugh (which all of your posts do, let's not act like that was a one-time thing!).
I think relationships are all about balance - I don't think things need to be put into "male" or "female" responsibility boxes - everyone comes into a relationship with different strengths and weaknesses.
I really loved reading this, Ash! (As evidenced by my novel length comment).
(Also, my GPS always kicks on while I'm in my garage -- I borrowed my mom's car and thought it would do the same. All I did was waste time and get completely insulted by my friends - ha!).
"A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him." ~Mae West
ReplyDeleteI agree with most everyone else; you were spot-on. :D
ReplyDeleteI was reading Tina Fey's autobiography yesterday, and she was talking about when she went to a women's convention. All the women were asked to write down on a slip of paper when it was that they first realized that "they were a woman."
This is an excerpt: "The group of women was racially and economically diverse, but the answers had a very similar theme. Almost everyone first realized they were becoming a grown woman when some dude did something nasty to them. “I was walking home from ballet and a guy in a car yelled, ‘Lick me!’” “I was babysitting my younger cousins when a guy drove by and yelled, ‘Nice ass.’”
There were pretty much zero examples like “I first knew I was a woman when my mother and father took me out to dinner to celebrate my success on the debate team.” It was mostly men yelling shit from cars. Are they a patrol sent out to let girls know they’ve crossed into puberty? If so, it’s working."
I know that *being* a woman or a man is a different thing than the moment you realize thet you are one, but it is kind of sad that society's definition of a woman is one who is attractive to males.
This makes me wonder what a man's reaction to the question would be. "When did you first realize you were a man?"
~Epicality
What you said is true.
ReplyDeleteIt is also true that there are very few 'men' in the world.
-_-
Right on track... i wish my man is like u...:) insha allah if i deserve him i shall have him!
ReplyDeletebut u r right on track juts dont let anyone change ur stance...thats the only way u can ensure u winning... but life keeps throwing u off track its her business...make sure u dont get sidetracked though... its hard to be a real man.... but its worth it... ur girl must love u for this... and she will if she is a good girl...
iThink you definitely don't need any GPS of that sort. You are your own GPS & your on the right track to be getting there.
ReplyDelete& Hello There, I'm a new follower ~
iThink you & your blog are amazing !
Cheers guys, means a lot.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, I don't have a girl haha