You won't know your worth now, son, until you take a hit

I want to get into a fight.

Sound stupid? It is. I agree with that, completely. But it's true.

Well, sort of anyway. I would never start a fight, but I still kind of want to be in one. Now most of you have probably been able to tell that I'm a pretty peaceful guy, more of a lover than a fighter (cue ladies swooning) but that isn't to say there's some hot-bloodedness in my veins. It's just kept well in check. Now before all of you start voicing vociferous comments about me lying by coming off as a goodie-two-shoes in my blog, allow me to explain further.





Like I said, I would never start a fight. Well maybe 'never' is too strong a word, but I certainly don't walk around pushing rubes and emo kids to try and start a good ole fashioned brouhaha, I'd like to think I would get involved if some douchebag was having a go at a mate of mine or some such situation where just standing idly by wouldn't cut it. This is going to sound stupid to you guys, I knew this coming in, trust me, but this post title essentially sums up what I'm trying to say; that until I get into some sort of fight, I won't know my 'worth'.

Again, yes, I am fully aware of how idiotic that might sound, but to me, it's important. It means something. It means I can stand by my convictions and beliefs, it means I'm willing to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Talk is cheap. And until I can prove, mostly to myself, that I can take a stand, I'll always be left wondering whether I'm just a big talker with no game.

Now I don't know if this is just a 'guy thing' or a 'me' thing, but it's honestly how I feel. I've said before in posts how I wouldn't stand by (I think so anyway) while some douche abuses a girl or something like that, and how I wouldn't stand at the sidelines while a friend is in the sh*t. I just want to know for sure that I mean what I've said. I want to prove to myself that I stick to my guns.

I'm hoping that isn't something to do with me trying to be macho or anything, if anything, it's just the opposite. Like I said before, I don't walk around with a mentality where I go looking for fights and provoking people; if anything, I'm the guy in my little band of rebels that is the most level headed. I can safely say that I'm the most responsible guy in the group. But that doesn't mean I'd run away from a fight, and I guess that is the point I'd like to prove. That I'm not a coward. That would mean a lot to me, if I could prove that to myself. I've said before in a post ages ago that I hate cowardice and hypocrisy. So me being able to prove I'm not a wuss would serve the dual purpose of proving that I'm not a hypocrite (in this regard anyway).

One person also left a comment on the blog I wrote about what I think it means to be a man, and their comment was brief, but effective. Their comment was a quote by Mae West, and it said; "A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him". That got to me. And I guess that's another point as well. It's a fairly old, antiquated (and even boorish) viewpoint, but showing a woman that you can stand up to flak and dish out a beatdown when necessary is something I still find relevant. Shows them you're not a wuss and gets a little fire going *wink wink nudge nudge*.

Let me just say again, that yes, I know full well just how eggheaded this post may sound to a lot of you, especially the ladies out there. I just hope I've managed to get across the fact that I'm still the same guy as before, the lover more so than the fighter, but I would rather prefer to be known as the lovable fighter (wink). I also hope that I've gotten across the fact that I'm not just some stringy little pasty boy; I've got the capacity to stand up for myself and stick up for my word, and that when the time comes, I hope I'm able to show it.

Sound off.


Satellite
Rise Against
Endgame, 2011